Lessons From My Father – Part 1

Me & Dad – Confirmation Day

With the recent passing of my father, I found myself reflecting on my mortality, my upbringing, and the influence my father had on making me who I am today. 

Lesson #1:  Actions Speak Louder Than Words

My father has been there my whole life. He had been a quiet presence, more of a role model through his actions, rather than through his words. He wasn’t a man of many words. He seemed much more comfortable observing and listening.  He had on occasion shared stories of his childhood or business ventures, but most of the time he wouldn’t offer input unless specifically asked. Because of this many people have found him to be a mystery.

I know who my father was through observing how he lived his life and where he invested his time.

Lesson #2:  Family Works Together

When my father wasn’t trying to make money, he spent a majority of his time at home with his family.  He didn’t have a lot of friends to hang out with.  He never drank alcohol.  And he didn’t scream or curse.  He was a quiet man, content with a cup of coffee, a tastykake, and a football game on the living room TV.

Joey and Dad on Living Room Floor

Looking back to my childhood I remember him laying on the red shag rug in our living room with his elbow on the floor and his hand propped under his head and total focus on what was happening on the television.  He had a bet on a football game and was rooting for his team.b

 But he had three kids that were running through the house, playing around, jumping over him, and not even paying attention to what was going on.

He didn’t scream or yell to make us be quiet or go away.  We were just being kids and trying to have fun.  Instead he devised his own plan to get us interested and involved in what he was doing.  He got all four of us (me, my sister, my brother, and my mother) to watch the game and root for his team with him.  He told us that if we rooted for his team with him, they would win.  If his team won, then he would make money. And if he made money, he would give us money to go to the store and do what we wanted.  That was one sure fire way to get quiet in the house and focus back on the game!  So we all gathered around the TV and watched the game and rooted for his team.  And we were all so happy when we won, because we just made money and were off to the mall with mom to spend it!

What’s kind of funny is that as I became an adult I had no interest in watching any sporting events unless there was a bet involved and money to be made.

I remember trips to visit aunts, uncles, and cousins.  We would have family outings where we would go bowling or play softball or catch at one of the local parks.  We went for long drives to nowhere or just drive around to look at Christmas lights.  Along the way we’d stop and my father would get us water ice and Philly pretzels to munch on in the back seat.  Sometimes we’d stop at one of the local bakeries in South Philly and pick up a bag of hot rolls.  I can still remember the smell.  When we moved to Reno, I remember one really long drive to California over the Nevada mountains in the snow to go visit my father’s brother and his family.  My parents were in the front seat and me and my sister and brother were in the back.  It was a scary drive over those mountains, with an introduction to snow chains, mountainous cliffs, and Donner’s Pass.  That was a trip I’d never forget.

When my father managed a motel and liquor store, I remember being in the office and in the store helping him with the inventory and loading the freezer and shelves.  As I look back now I wonder whether it was legal for us to be working in a liquor store with my father at the age of 14 or 15, but regardless, we were there helping him and working in the store to stay busy (and out of trouble).  When my father owned and operated the Gold & Silver Exchange in Sierra Sids Casino, my mother, sister, and I all worked in the store with him stocking shelves, selling merchandise, and chatting with potential customers.  We were working together (and sometimes struggling) as a family to make it work.

Christmas Is A Time For Family, Creativity, & Giving

Christmas was a special time at our house.  From the time I can remember, my dad always went out on Christmas Eve to go get our Christmas Tree.  Some years he got lucky and was able to find a nice tree, but I remember many years where he would bring home the “Charlie Brown Christmas Tree”.

My dad’s job was to get the tree and set it up in the tree stand.  My father was not a man who was handy with tools.  I don’t really remember him having many tools or even a tool box.  I remember the challenges he had trying to cut down the tree trunk and get it in the stand.  Looking through some old pictures I found one with my dad hammering a tree trunk down to get it to fit into the tree stand.

Dad Hammering the Christmas Tree

Pam with her Christmas presents.

Dad in Front of The Christmas Tree

Me and Pam in front of the Christmas tree.

Dad decorating the tree on the ladder and me watching.

Pam, Dad, Joey, and me decorating the tree

Pam, Dad, me, Uncle George, Joey, Aunt Rita, and Grandmom

Mom Decorating the Tree

After the tree was set up, it was our job (my mom, Pam, Joey, and me) to decorate the tree and use our creativity to make it look good.  There were many challenges with this.  Some of the trees had big bald spots with no branches.  Other trees had long branches and short branches.  And some were just bare trees that needed a lot of Christmas balls, garland, and tinsel!  But it was alway a challenge and always fun to see if we could make the tree look good.  Somehow we did it, and it was alway fun.

One of the most difficult Christmas’ our family had was in 1979.  My father had moved to Reno Nevada to start a career as a poker dealer.  He moved west before the rest of our family in order to get started with the new job and find a place for us all to live.  We arrived sometime after Christmas, and when we finally did get there, my father gave my mother a poem he had written for her.

Here it is:

Every year we would decorate the house, hang the stockings, light the tree, and exchange gifts on Christmas day.  It was always a memorable day with family fun, food, and gifts.

The world changed on December 10, 2014 with the passing of my father.  Christmas will never be the same.  Next year we will all be wondering “Is it Christmas, it just can’t be, because my father is not with me.”